It's Veterans' Day. A special one because of the 11/11 portal yesterday.
In the night time I watched the Jimmy Saville documentary (A Horror Story) and then half of Leaving Neverland. There are ideas I'm interested in at the 'core' of my personality and it is these things I would appear to have 'lost'.
The way people can be simultaneously loving and abusive. The beautiful romance of Jimmy's story, tarnished to the point of painful destruction by the fact that Michael had this adult, systematic method.
He had love, but he destroyed it with his wounding, and his actions contributed to systems of child abuse. He did evil things. Actively. On purpose. Jimmy Saville describes it well in one of his veiled-full-frontal-truth TV interviews. (The subject was the patients at Broadmoor.) When one is possessed by a demon, their actions are not their own. This is truth, and he was desperate to be caught at the same time as his demon grew in strength and predictability the longer he went on acting in the shadows of plain sight. It is because we wish not to see these demons that they act out more and more. They wish only to be seen and to be acknowledged. The physicality of sexual desire, turned twisted. Avoided. Evil grows in the dark.
Metatron, am I onto it?
I fear that by celebrating these figures- by saying, for example, 'Hitler was a beautiful soul who came to teach humanity a great lesson', then I will become like one of these humans. 'Darksided'.
M: You have been 'made to feel' 'darksided' by your "deep" nature and expression. Think of the rage uncovered by little Greta Thunberg. The real truth, for you, from your perspective, is that "Hitler" is not a beautiful soul, but a terrible, macabre fractal of something grandly beautiful. The human experience is filled, on the one side and in complex mixture, with darkness, evil and shadow.
Your story with Satan is a beautiful one. The deeper layers you uncover of his power are revealed to you as you integrate and make peace with your personal power. You do not "give your power away to Satan", as so many have chosen to do. He appreciates and respects this, the more deeply you come to know one another. It is a truth that in his name, 'Satan', you hear the beauty and the power of the Serpent energy in Muladhara. You understand that great open sparkling darkness resides within us all, and that the serpent has sharp teeth and a flexible backbone and bizarrely strong musculature. The serpent moves almost as water moves- and have you ever observed a snake moving across the surface of a lake? You understand the power of great fear, and you understand how this can be harnessed and leveraged to guide the movements of the energies of a crowd. This is why you have often become 'nervous' in crowds. It seems, to you, a crowd, unnatural. For any reason. The state of the 'crowd' is not conducive to the freedom of your easygoing danceful utopia. To others, the opposite is true. You sense this, and wish to understand "their point of view." This is beautiful, but you are afforded, in this life of boundaries and personality, discernment.
Energetic discernment.
This is where the experiences we 'face' in life provide a kind of data unfathomable by the mind.
If there has been a theme to your recent macro-er cycle, it is the learning that life is often solid and resistant in its interaction with the purity of the quiet not-quite-human spirit. By this, we mean the autistic. Others, who are not autistic, feel this resistance and relish in it or struggle against it and their stories play out with a different flavour. The autistic seek understanding of this process.
What if you were to embrace, fully, 'your own process'?
You have said, "it can be pain or it can be a process." How, then, to apply this to the lethargy? To the overwhelm.
You enjoyed the story of the feminine receptive energy in its rising state, yet you know this to be short of the full story. Within the masculine/feminine construct, we can simply say that the masculine and feminine must be entwined, like two fighting snakes, like two mating slugs that eventually fall from the tree.
Why, then, deconstruct this masculine/feminine dichotomy, if it is helpful to so many?
Because the associations are flawed to the point of nonsense. Receptive and active. The bark of the tree grows, and soaks up the rays of the sun which flares like Caroline's hair across the unisex vacuum of space.
The light of the sun does not receive, except for the way it receives the solid, soaking pleasure of the bark.
Be wrong.
All is entwined, down to the walls of the DNA, which breaks and reforms, breaks and reforms, encodes, switches on and off, decides without deciding, and rings bells through history.
The formless, forgetless fluidity of free thought.
The wandering eye of the mind. The special, human mind with its pathways and its decisions.
Its breaking away from patterns and its rebuilding of them, its remembrance, its metaphor, its building, planning, remorse and celebration.
Calculation. Deconstruction. Identification.
Deliberation.
Picture now the wanderer within the forest, the cathedral, the desert of the mind, turning inward. The layers of 'inward' fluctuating as the ripples of its formless lotus of cosmic light expand away from the wanderer; the attention. The wanderer seeks the treasures of the heart.
The eyes on the tails of the peacock.
You, sitting on a log in a field of heather, sown in celebration of the fallowed trees, seeing the rainbow orbs formed in the lashes which decorate your eye. Inwardly and outwardly.
The oils of the hair lighting the perception, gilding the frame of the vision.
Does the heather have sensation? Of course it does.
Can it feels the delicate clinging of the spiderwebs? Of course.
Journey to the centre of the heart and find this portal to awareness there.
Then thank the sun, deeply, for her light.
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