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Writer's pictureFrankie Lewis

Journal 21st Nov 22

Everybody is different.

How to engage with audiences.

That's what I've been learning about this festival weekend.

I am in the habit of

DO IT FOR THE STRUCTURAL TENSION

I am in the habit of replaying my social interactions, partly to extract their juice and partly to try to nail them in and mostly as a performance analysis.

This would be best done in a serene set and setting, or better, not at all.

I try to extrapolate information from the interactions about who likes me and why and who do I like and why. How is trust built?

What are boundaries and how can I lay them whilst still making the most out of opportunities?

What percentage of thought is psychic in the sense of communicable, and how do I ensure my message is clear without silencing the other voices in the room?


A- If a comment is made in collaborative, psychic flow, the message is always communicable. Communicability is clarity.


Worry about shadow.

That's okay. People need to see it.

Not to honour the 'negative' or destructive choices of the shadow or anything, but it is a good way of getting your boundaries met. Respected, I mean.

Like, it is wild to expect people to respect boundaries you haven't set, but like let's discover and respect our own boundaries, and share them with others when they are discovered. This happens in real time, and doesn't need to be like a rider, although over time you will develop a rider. It is, "my body is feeling this way and I am making this choice for the rebalancing of my field. This action may or may not make sense to you, but I request kind accommodation without judgement."

The next step is, "the action is happening regardless of your kind, non-judgemental accommodation's presence."


Now, with anxiety and sensory overload somewhat subsided, the morning chill piercing my raw heart through futile layers of clothing, an Autumn leaf blowing into the sticky grey road on the wet wind, cars, cars, cars, cars, Sainsbury's van, tumbledryer, cars, cars, double glazing man dropping his tape measure, cars, cars, cars, I will begin my gratitude rampage.


Poinsettas. Research. Working with women. Working with Queer women. Networking. Ease. Coins. Goddesses. Pantomime. Neck spine. Bone marrow. Bendy toes. Movement. Spicy breakfasts. Wash. Movement. Dance. Ease. Flow.


No, there's more discontent to release.

Not everybody has to like you, and the further you stray from your authentic values and standards in the search for validation, the less present, clear and wholly communicable you are to the people who can see you. More people can see you clearly the more authentic you are.


Authenticity. The continuous road to authenticity.


"Be yourself and keep chatting."


This weekend was also the culmination on Rainbow Week. It began with rainbows in the sky and nudges to work on Kundalini energy- or, to play in it. Then we worked up through the chakra system, paying attention, rebalancing, focusing with group-co-ordinated awareness, crossing the Rainbow Bridge, ascending through the layers of the light body (the whole body is a light body and it always was and always will be.)


Today is a bonus day that I am celebrating as the Captain of my own little ship (that I finally got off the ground after so much tinkering and so many false starts!) It's Soul Star Day. What colour is that? Maybe black, haha. The sensation is the acceleration into the cosmos, as if the crown is the opening valve for the fuel to enter the visible body and fill it via the pathways of the breath and blood, and the Soul Star is the vantage point, the gateway to Singularity, wholeness, but a new opening. A bagel with everything on it.

"Space,

the final frontier."

Patrick Stewart's gay, let that sink in. Rainbow Week.


It needs to be balanced by the Earth Star.


It's really fucking cold.

Distractingly cold.


I'm gonna get back into bed, go to LesFlicks and just research. Just watch things.

At some point today I should channel my gameplan moving forward. A cycle has ended. Where are we in the moon chart. What's my personal astrology doing? (What's my structural tension with the world around me- what are the orbits of the planets. What. Are. The. Orbits. Of. The. Planets.

It's like holding your finger to the wind.

What is *happening* in the universe? The physical measurable actual stars that actually move and actually be the dance. You get it.

The Orchestra of the Planets.)


I have 2 mutual Facebook friends with Nicole Conn.

Relax.


The process of pedestalling people we love (admire)-

A person feels like home.

We feel we don't deserve to relate to them.

We feel separate from home.

This applies to many encounters, and it is a betrayal of both Self and Collective to give into it.


It also comes hand in hand with judgement, healthy or unhealthy. As in, sometimes a person doesn't feel like home and it's very, very, very much okay to pay attention to that and allow the energetic protection to fall into place. Depending on the person, this has different effects and the cure is always a dose of intense love-bombing, but that's no good because then they're dependent on you for supply.

Maybe, as the Creatrix, it is the *whole point* to have people dependent on you for the supply of light, for a time, as the web attaches, pops off, lights up, expands.

Their light will grow more robust. *Allow* those who need the light to drink it from you. There is an eternity more where that came from.


It is not a betrayal of Self and One's position in the web to recognise the anti-light, but it is a betrayal of Self to remain judgemental and pretend that its emergence is doing anything other than reminding you of its presence in You. Yes, discernment, but also full awareness.


An important question here is also, "What are this *person's* intentions?"

We can separate the demon from the person very easily when we are on this side of the bridge. We can respect a person's strength. We can also hold them accountable to the shared intentions of a community.


No ending time for a shower x

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